


Family sticks together, no matter who's in it.

by Fanfiction_obsession



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Heinz gets a hug, Heinz is too trusting, Heinz needs a hug, Heinz's family, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Norm is innocent, Perry is going to commit murder soon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:22:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27183088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfiction_obsession/pseuds/Fanfiction_obsession
Summary: Only one sentence can create such chaos in this found family: Mother is coming.(Or: Heinz learns that sometimes the family you create, is better than the one you started with)
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Comments: 4
Kudos: 100
Collections: Perryshmirtz Week 2020





	Family sticks together, no matter who's in it.

**Author's Note:**

> Perryshmirtz week day 4: Family
> 
> I meant to post this on time, I really did. Then I re-read the original version and realized that it had potential to be a lot longer and a lot better so I waited to post. I'm glad I did, I really think it's a lot better now.

He’s mumbling to himself when you get there. Of course he is. He mumbles as he paces back and forth and inspects the quality of the living room rug. 

The words you make out of the mumbled mush only serve to solidify the dread in your heart, the dead that’s been present ever since Monogram accidentally let it slip that Heinz’s day off might involve company.

“Mother is coming, Mother is coming.” 

Well, shit. Monogram was right for once. 

“No time for dawdling, no time for worrying, Mother is coming, and she’s coming soon, and the whole place has got to be spick and span, because she’s coming over and she wants to talk to me and she never ever wants to talk to me so- Oh hi Perry the Platypus- everything has got to be perfect because Mother is coming, Mother is coming, Mother is-”

You count to three in your head. 

“PERRY THE PLATYPUS?? W-what are you doing here??” 

You give him what is hopefully the most displeased scowl he’s ever received because goodness knows he deserves it. (Although you probably can’t hold a candle to the faces his mother makes. Hence the scowl.) Heinz attempts to gather himself and searches for words like a child, with a hand still halfway in the cookie jar. 

“Uhh, what’s… wrong?” he tries, but you have no patience for this. You demand, in gestures and half completed signs, for him to tell you exactly why his mother is coming over today. 

After all, didn’t you tell her she was never allowed over, ever again? Do you actually need to hit her instead of just threatening it, to drive your point home? 

“Perry the Platypus!” Heinz squawk in indignation, “Don’t you dare hit my mother!” 

You roll your eyes as if to say, ‘I won’t… unless she gives me a reason to.’ He doesn’t look happy about that, but you mean it wholeheartedly. 

He fidgets, hands twiddling the pockets of his lab coat. Still, you wait for the explanation. 

“Look Perry the Platypus,” he sighs, and you know he didn’t want you to find out about this. “She said she wanted to talk to me okay? And you know… well… she never wants to talk to me. So I- so I thought maybe this time… maybe she has a change of heart! Maybe she does realize she loves me, deep down inside!” 

Oh. 

Oh. 

Oh  _ Heinz.  _

Dear god you love this man, this innocent and trusting child, lingering under the false folds of adulthood, still longing for a Mother he’ll never have. Why, why why why  _ why  _ does he have to look so hopeful when he says it? Why do his eyes light up when he mentions she wanted to see him, why does the smile she’s broken off his face herself return so easily? 

And how, how could you possibly break it to him, tell him there’s no way this could end well? 

“Please Perry the Platypus, please just let me give her this one chance. I really think she’s had a change of heart!” 

Speaking of hearts, yours feels like it’s being stretched and shredded in a blender. 

How could you refuse him, when he asks that hopefully? Even though this will only lead to pain? You nod, just once, but immediately regret it. 

He looks much more relieved then he should. 

“Thank you Perry the Platypus, this means so much to me! I got her flowers and made a reunion-inator and Norm even volunteered to make muffins! She’ll be here in a couple minutes so do you wanna help me vacuum one more time?” 

“You’ve vacuumed six times already today, sir.” Norm adds, walking out from the kitchen with a tray of muffins. 

“Yeah well, maybe I just wanted to keep the floor extra clean Mr. Wise-guy.” 

You look between the two of them, the strange father and son pair, and clench the straps of your jetpack tighter. You haven’t even taken it off yet, almost as though you’re hoping you could just lift off and re-enter the DEI and discover this whole nightmare isn’t even happening. 

“Sheesh, don’t look so worried Perry the Stress-a-pus. I’m sure it’ll go just fine. In fact, if this goes well Norm, I might even play catch with you when it’s over!” 

Norm’s entire face quite literally, lights up. “That would be very exciting, sir!” he exclaims, “I’ll go check the latest batch of muffins.” 

He ambles off back into the kitchen, leaving only the two of you to hear the knock at the door. It’s her. It has to be. “Coming Mother!” Heinz calls, and heads over to get the door. 

\--------

She’s here. She’s finally here, your mother, and you head over to get the door to let her in. 

You want this to go well. 

You  _ need  _ this to go well. 

A tiny part of you feels like you have to prove this to Perry, have to wipe the pity out of his eyes because you’re  _ fine.  _ He doesn’t need to worry so much. 

Even though a tiny part of you enjoys it when he worries. 

Mother kicks in the door, before you even get there. A tiny worm of worry wedges itself in your gut, but you ignore it. This is fine. This can still be fine. 

“ _ Heinz _ .” she snarls, and you know nothing between the two of you will ever be fine. 

“H-hello Mother.” You try to stand straight, try to stand still, but you can’t help the slight tremors that ripple through your body. Perry scoots up beside you, enough that you could hold his tiny paw if you wanted to. 

You don’t. Mother would frown upon it. Her very presence dictates the moves of everyone in the room, you, caught under her spell, Norm, shock still, and Perry, beautiful, wonderful Perry, stuck by the simple request from your own mouth. 

Give her a chance. Please. 

Give  _ me _ a chance. 

_ Please _ . 

“Your Father and I have decided you’ve tarnished the family name enough.” 

Well ouch. Nothing new there though. 

“Now that you’ve come to… this country, where change is no longer frowned upon, we order you to legally change your last name. From this day forward, you shall no longer be a Doofenshmirtz of our family.”

W-w-what?

Did you say that outloud? 

Was any of this said aloud? 

Is this even real? 

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to ensure your brother does well at his weekly speech.” 

She slams the door on her way out. 

Norm is smart enough to not say anything for once. 

Perry might’ve chirred, but if he did you missed it. 

They finally did it. They finally disowned you. 

You don’t have a family anymore. 

You don’t have anybody anymore. 

You’re a nobody. 

What were you thinking, that maybe this time things could be different? Things are never different, never will be different, because you failed something else again. You weren’t good enough, and you never will be good enough because how could you possibly be good enough when you’re you, unlovable, broken you. 

You’ve suken to the floor in your despair. Perry, unsure whether you’re having a full on panic attack or just a breakdown, waits just next to you for his opening. 

Perry. 

Why would he even want you now? 

He fights Dr. Doofenshmirtz. The evil scientist. The one with the slightly-off family, but the one with the family nonetheless. He won’t want to fight you now. 

Will he? 

\-------

You see your opportunity the second he lifts his gaze to look at you, questions in his eyes, the same self-doubting questions he always has after he sees his family, always. 

It’s okay. You patted him on the back after the family reunion, held his hand through the back streets of the Gimmelshtump driving test, and did both following the Father’s day disaster. You’ve got him. 

“P-perry?”

Yes? Yes Heinz, yes? 

“I don’t…. I don’t have a family anymore. I don’t even have a last name.” 

One of these days you’re going to murder that woman. You’ve got a whole creative list of ways to do it too, from burying her in a giant pile of kickballs to trapping her to suffocate inside of a giant lawn gnome. One of these days…

“I mean- I guess you were right Perry the Platypus. I guess she really doesn’t want me. Nobody wants me in their family.” 

Oh no. 

No, no no no, nope. 

Not today. 

You grab his lab coat and shake him a bit until he’s staring into your eyes with a confused expression. 

“W-what?” 

You count to three. 

“P-perry? You mean you still want me? Even though no one else does?” 

Duh. Duh you handsome idiot, who deserves so much better. 

“I still want you too, sir.” 

You make a mental note to take Norm to a baseball game and buy him a million bats and balls, whatever he wants on the entire planet, he could name it and it’s his. 

“Norm? Really? Even though I’m- even though I’m a bad father?” 

“I like to play catch with you sir.” is all Norm offers, before he sets four uneaten muffin trays between the three of you. 

Vanessa is on speed dial by now. 

“Hey Perry, what’s up?” 

“Vanessa?”’ Heinz seems surprised by now, but at least he’s recovering. He bites into a muffin as he prepares himself for the conversation. 

“Hey dad. Thought Grandma was visiting today?” 

Of course. He told everyone except for you. Did no one else think that was a massive red flag??

“Well sweetie, she’s not your grandmother anymore. I’m sorry baby. She… she disowned me.” 

You wince as he shivers with each word. 

“Eh it’s okay. I didn’t really like her anyway.” 

And Vanessa. Vanessa can have all the foreign movies and goth clothes and makeup products and dark novels in the whole world. Heck, she can even have a car. You’ll keep it a secret. 

The lift of the worry off of Heinz’s shoulders is visible in the way he brightens again, if only for a brief moment. 

“I’ve got to go now though dad, I’ve got homework to do. I’ll call you tonight. Love you.” 

“Love you too sweetiekins.” he chokes out, and you’re so proud of him. So so proud of him. 

A silence falls over the ragtag group after Vanessa hangs up. Silence until Heinz adds, “Who’s name am I going to have now?” 

As if the answer wasn’t obvious. You reach for the tray of muffins before you. Sometimes being a non-verbal mammal requires creative solutions. 

“Perry? What are you- oh! Wait, are you making something?”

You re-arrange until the word is spelled out just right. 

[Mine] is written now, in muffins on the overly-vacuumed floor.

Mine. 

Mine because you’re my family. 

Mine, because you’re mine. 

You always will be. 

“But you don’t have a last name, Perry the Platypus.” 

Well okay fair. But that can be amended. 

He’ll figure the sentiment out behind it. You give him three seconds. 

He laughs, just once. “I guess we’ll just all have to make one up then.” 

There. Problem solved. 

“Thank you Perry the Platypus.” 

Thank you. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


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